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Five Practices of Successful Couples

Posted on : 29-07-2013 | By : Edward | In : Blog Home

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“Do you know of any successful couples?” David asked me this the moment I stepped out of my car outside our offices today. He must have been waiting for me for a while, he looked beaten, worn out and did not seem to have slept much. After the usual greetings, David blurted out his story. black-couple-on-beachHis wife left him and went back to her parents home yesterday. He loved her, he wanted their marriage of four years to work but they seemed doomed to never make it. He had come looking for me with a simple question, “is it possible in our day to find successful couples?” Couples who are thriving in their relationships and marriages? If such couples are there, what are their common habits? What things are common to them that may be contributing to their success?

David wanted a thriving, happiness full and growing relationship not the dull, boring and full of fighting “thing” that they were currently having. As I embarked to answer David, I began thinking through the couples I know and if they were happily married and successful and for sure, they are there and they are many. Too many times we do not celebrate the marriages that are working and thriving because we are obsessed with the ones in trouble. I told David that I knew many successful couples and we began writing down the practices or habits that are common in them. We had a list of about twelve habits but for this blog post, allow me to narrow them to five. Here they are:

1. They have no walls against each other – The successful couples I know are always ready to connect regardless of what is going on. They can be in the middle of a conflict but they will greet each other cordially, smile at each other and be able to sit and talk about stuff. Many couples that end up in relational trouble do so because they tend to build walls against each other. They give each other the cold shoulder or silent treatment, they avoid smiling at each other and turn their home into some crazy cold environment that can even rival the Antarctica. couple discussingThese walls that they put up thinking they are protecting themselves end up being the walls that destroy their marriages. Successful couples have no walls, no defenses against each other. They forgive easily and hold no grudges against each other and this creates opportunity for them to reconcile fast, work together well and builds them into a formidable team. Learn to treat your spouse better than you treat other people. Be open, be courteous.

2. They fight their problems and not each other – Successful couples may fight often but they fight fair. They do not attack each other or view each other as the problem. They look for the problem and attack that. It might be the habit of leaving shoes and socks every where or watching too much television, it might be the habit of coming home late or spending money without budgeting but the problem is not the spouse. Recently, my wife asked me for help. She wanted me to help her as there was a problem she was facing due to my working hard and having less time available for her. I immediately understood what she was saying but I never felt attacked at all. I was ready to help the moment she asked for help. The problem would have been much more harder to deal with if she would have attacked me by saying, “You have been neglecting me and working late and working long. Did you get married to me or to the church?” same thing but said differently. One would have been an attack on me and it would have caused more problems as I would have gone into defense mode. To be a successful couple, don’t attack and fight each other, make it your habit to fight the problem always but not each other.family making sand castle together on beach

3. They play often and play with each other – who said that when you get married you can no longer share jokes, laugh together and even play with each other? In my family, we tickle each other, we laugh together, we look for jokes to tell when we get home and even text such to each other. Life is hard, don’t make it harder by being too stiff, loosen up and have a good time. Couples that play together stay together. Many of the happy successful couples I know definitely know how to play and have fun. I recently met one such couple at the Beach playing jump the waves after which they joined their two children in playing a game of Beach volleyball in rotating teams. Fun, laughter, sun and sand is what they had after a tiring day but what they gained on that day will carry them through a stormy season. Successful couples play together and play often.

4. They are content with what they have and with each other – Successful couples practice and live out contentment. They are content with what they have and are not ambitiously driving each other crazy to get the latest and the best in order to be happy. They are happy with each other and what they have and many of them have goals that they work towards but they recognize that their marriage is more valuable than the stuff they can own or the money they can make. You can own a great home, drive the dream car and have all the money you need and to spare and still be unhappy, lonely and frustrated. I know couples who don’t have much or own much who have great marriages and enjoy themselves greatly, they value each other, they do not look down on each other and never tear down their marriage or their spouses. It is not the stuff, it is the spouse. Be content, be thankful and get on the road to a successful relationship.happy-elder-couple-black

5. They compliment and support each other – The successful couples I know do not depend on each other but compliment each other. Dependence is where one person completely relies on another, such a person does not have a life outside of the relationship and can almost be unable to face life without their spouse. Dependency is not what God intended for Adam and Eve, we were created to compliment each other, to support, lift up and build each other up. I know people that had great dreams, gifted with amazing abilities who got married and dependency killed their gifts and dreams. It is as though they stopped living and took on another life, another personality. Successful couples build each other up and instead of suffocating and killing the gifting and abilities they each had before marriage, the tend to flourish even the more because they fan each others flame to burn even stronger. Couples that support each other in pursuing their dreams, find ways to synchronize their dreams and who encourage each other to fully utilize their potential tend to be more successful in their relationship than those that muffle, put down and hinder each other. Be successful, compliment and support each other.

Are there other practices you would add to this list? I would love to hear from you in the comments section below. In the meantime, check out this list of fifty creative dating ideas and plan a date with your spouse within this week. Successful couples plan for dates or special time when they get to sit and talk. Make it a priority to plan a date this week and if possible, let me know how it goes. Here is the list, 50 creative dating ideas

I believe in marriage, I know very many successful marriages but I also know many that are struggling or in trouble. Many of those in trouble and struggling need help, they need encouragement and they need to be pointed in the right direction. To help marriages and relationships, consider sharing the link to this blog with others.

 

Comments (26)

Pastor Edward is a genius or what ! I mean to say: these points are well thought out and they hit home.I am married and I agree with you….and I will practice them as God enables me ! I have just invited my hubby for a surprise tea in a restaurant with beautiful ambiance ..not planned..but I want him to be happy.I love him!

Rose,

Wow, may your marriage thrive. Thinking about and treating your husband out is a great thing and I pray that you both will be happy. Keep working at it and God richly bless you

Hi, I agree wth you totally. Simple things done from a pure heart make a marriage happy. Tody’s marriage are suffering more coz of lack of cotentment. Some spouses doing the impossible to be like their peers and to fit in a certain social class and this is for self gratification and this isn’t a Kingdom principle. Thanks for the great articles they inspire me.

Thanks Tabbie,

Your comments are spot on, seeking to fit in or be like others is destroying marriages as couples embark on outdoing each other.

God bless you

Sir. I am blessed.
My wife is my best friend, we talk,laugh, share….e.t.c… Marriage is a gift from GOD, keep teaching and sharing more…GOD bless you and increase you.

Billy,

I am thrilled to hear about you and your wife. Keep it that way and keep it growing. When marriage is cultivated, it surely thrives. God bless the both of you greatly.

not married, but this is such great insight, il archive the lessons in my mind to be applied in due time! bless you!

Julia,

Thank you for the commendation and may the Lord richly bless you.

Hey Passie,

I frequently visit your blog and the thoughts are great. I have 24days to my wedding day and have to admit that these reflections are quite helpful especially to me as I prepare for marriage. Stay blessed Pst. Munene.

James,

May the lord walk with you now and prosper you and your fiancé. I pray everything goes well and trust God for a blessed marriage. Keep reading

Sir…

I am blessed, am not married yet, but this is just to remember when I get there.

Am so blessed!

Sheila,

May the Lord lead you and bless you with a great marriage when that day comes.

This is one reason why I’m proud to have you as my coach. Always insightful, incisive and inspiring!

You are a blessing and May your marriage be testament to the love and grace God over family.

Stella,

Thank you for the commendation. I am honoured and thank you for your prayers over Ruth and I. God richly bless you.

Greetings! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a group of volunteers and starting a new project
in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us useful information to work
on. You have done a extraordinary job!

Very good and timely for me. The question is how do I get buyin from my Husband?

Hi Mary,

A quick one to answer you would, do your best as a wife. Do what you ought to do and the bible says you will win him over by your actions and character. Check out the post, “10 important things every wife needs to know”. I am praying for you.

Blessings

It is a great blog, and timely for me.

I will definitely share it with friends in long-term relationships and the married friends.

Thanks Yvonne,

Go ahead and share it widely. I appreciate your feedback.

Blessings

I followed the link when a friend shared this message and am glad i did. Am not married but desiring to get a godly partner and make a family.
This message is timely and very valuable, i must admit i have a different view and approach to the way i look at marriage and family in general now and with the ever present help of God, i will raise a godly family and make a n excellent wife.
I have now made it a point to read the articles , share and even make referrals to my friends and colleagues.
Thank you Pastor for the great work and the simple well understood illustrations that drive the point home.
May my God bless and increase you in all areas.

Thank you Jael,

May the Lord bless you richly and lead you every step of the way. I pray that you will have a great marriage when that time comes.

i love your advices

Thank you and welcome. Keep reading

Wow! Passy, very true… I quickly read through then texted my hubby the five points and men!we both were thrilled at the amazing insights as we discussed them one by one . Four years in marriage and each day keeps getting better by the grace of God. keep up the good work; quite inspiring.

This is a great advice. Ain’t married yet but am following keenly,I know I will apply them someday@ God’s perfect timing. Thank you pastor,God bless you for your great work.

Marriage has become such a slippery road that the youth even shy off owing to its evidences of break ups.But thanks to these wisdom that when practiced without pride then life in marriage will and can be sweet

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