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4 Things That Kill Love Relationships

Posted on : 24-06-2013 | By : Edward | In : Blog Home

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Sam and Ivy were a great couple, they really looked nice together and they loved each other genuinely. They had been in a relationship since their third year in campus and many of their friends knew that they would make a great couple some day. Sure enough, their love flourished after campus, they went places together, introduced each other to their parents and friends and everyone was waiting for the day the wedding card would arriving inviting them for the occasion, “Sam weds Ivy”.great love relationship

Unfortunately for us all, the wedding card did not come and Sam and Ivy ended their five year relationship painfully and bitterly. Everyone who knew them was shocked, disappointed and some friends even got hurt in the process. What went wrong with this couple? No one could really tell what went wrong with this couple but many rumors did the rounds. Sam was so hurt that he ended up leaving the country and moving on to go live elsewhere.

I happened to meet Ivy in Mombasa when she came to see me at the office. She was in town for a business trip and planned to see me before she left. As we got to catch up on life, she shared with me what had transpired  between her and Sam. Apparently, she still loved Sam and I could tell she longed for her college sweetheart. As I listened to her, I wanted to identify what killed this relationship and later shared my observations with Ivy. Great relationship killed by just four things that both Ivy and Sam were not careful about. They genuinely loved and cared for each other but these relationship killers got them flatfooted and ended a great relationship.

Here are the four killers that ended Sam and Ivy’s relationship:

1. Baggage from the past – When you keep bringing the past relationships and their experiences into a present relationship and allow these to affect they way you view and treat each other in a relationship, you are doomed to fail. When you keep comparing your partner to your last one and treating them like the last one, they will at some point leave you alone. Ivy and Sam did not let go of their baggage from the past and would use their past relationships against each other and sometimes treat each other as though they were the former friends. Ivy admitted that she would often compare Sam to her past boyfriends even in conversations. When some bought a gift or took her out for a treat, she would find herself either saying how he had done better than or how one of her former boyfriends would have done better. Slowly, the baggage from the past developed into bitterness and resentment.

2. Busyness of lifeRelationships on the goSam was ambitious, he had great dreams and a list of life goals he wanted to accomplish in life. He was also a hard worker and Ivy loved him for this, he was a man who would ensure his family was well provided for. Ivy had her own ambitions and dreams that she wanted to accomplish. As each one of them pursued their dreams, their lives grew apart little by little. One time over a six month period, they could not even meet because they were both busy and off on a business trip somewhere. Ivy would be in Zambia or Ghana when Sam would be in Dubai or Singapore. Their demanding careers and crazy drive for success drove them. When life goals and dreams are not in sync, it becomes difficult for a relationship to thrive. Careers end up eating at the relationship and sometimes causes the couple to feel as though their partner is an enemy instead of a friend. Ivy regrets that they kept on insisting on keeping their schedules and career pursuits yet both of them ended up leaving the same jobs that separated them. What if they had done this for each others sake?

3. Bad Company – Sam loved to hang out with his boys when he had time and they would go hiking, mountain climbing, kayaking at Sagana or even biking to Magadi. They loved life and the outdoors and everything was great about all these. The problem was, many of his friends were not in any relationship and would more often than not encourage him to ignore Ivy. Some would even chide him for allowing a woman to control him. When Sam would invite Ivy to come along, they guys would complain and even make bad jokes about her and Sam would not step in to stop the jokes. He little by little allowed himself to be controlled by his boys to the point where he would spend very little time with Ivy. The company he kept and entertained became a huge source of pain and frustration for Ivy. When a couple allows the friends they keep to come in between them, they are courting disaster. Ivy and Sam ended up hurting each other simply because Sam was not careful of the friends he kept and did not realize they were bad company for him.

4. Bothersome HabitsBLD080952 Sam had a habit, an annoying habit that he refused to work on. At first, Ivy had thought they could work through it and if not, she was determined to change him. Sam on the other side thought Ivy was just being a pain by keeping on insisting that he needed to stop his obsession with his phone. It was impossible to be in a conversation with Sam for five minutes without him turning to his phone. He would text, pick calls, make calls and play games while talking with people. This habit made him very anti social and many times while out on dinner dates, Ivy would just eat quietly as Sam played games or text-ed other people. One time Ivy joked that they should just be going to different restaurants according to their liking and kept each other company through text messages. Sam got to realize how bad his habit was the day Ivy told him she was done going out with him but it was too late to change. The damage had already been done. When you refuse to deal with a habit your partner points out as irritating, you are simply choosing that habit over your partner and really saying you value that habit more than your friend. Many couples keep having quarrels over habits that one party refuses to change or deal with and without realizing it, they allow these habits to slowly kill the relationship. Sam allowed his phone to kill his.

These four B’s or four relationship killers brought Sam and Ivy to a painful break up and they can kill your relationship also.Sam and Ivy ended up hurting each other over things they would have dealt with together if they had been watching out for them. Don’t do the same, don’t end up in the same place by determining not to allow these killers to destroy your relationship.

What other relationship killers would you add to this list? You can add your voice in the comments section below.

Comments (18)

i just like this coz it is very true,i also once went through such an experience just bcoz of the same issue

Ooh My God, very true! Lord guide us. It just came when I needed it. Thanks for your prayers friends

Hi Mwenge,

Good to hear that you got to read this at just the right time. God richly bless you

Peter,

Thank you for your comments. Sorry to hear that you went through a similar experience. Any more lessons you learned out of your experience that you would like to share?

Blessings

Its a sad story but I can feel the problem was with Sam according to Ivy but since it was a relationship each partner takes same blame for the demise of the same. Good advise to couples out there.Thank you

Thanks for your comment. It did look like it was a problem of one party but the lessons learned do indeed apply to couples.

so educative and real. relationships need to be fought for and prioritized. in the present day society that

This is so real. Thanks. It is good to be reminded even after you are married you can swerve. I think another cause that kills relationships is ‘taking each other for granted’ and not apreciating them.

This are awsome advices Edward. God bless you and keep up the good work

Interesting, we have managed to escape all the others except one-being busy wth our lives. As much as its no problem now, it might bring issues in the future. Thanks for the heads-up Man.

Hi Dee,

You are welcome. Thanks for reading and I pray you are able to deal with that one before it becomes a problem.

Blessings

thanks alot your blog is really enlighting may God continue to inspire so that you can teach others. thanks

This is very true,am a victim of a broken relationship which ended in a very bitter breakup.Also at times people claim to be very busy and so there is no communication and the few chances only one person makes the initiative to call.

Very educative.Relationship is like a garden,bounty harvest needs hard work and dedication too
Thanks pastor

so so true.Thanks for the lessons.

How can i come across this when my relationship of five years with my fiance broke not a week ago,,,i cant believe its over….no no no no,,,,,susie i still love you.we could have parted when we were hustlers,,,not now.No pliz,,,,am not like SAM,,,GOD intervine,i can’t hold this pain.

Thank you for the article. I would add sexual talks and anecdotes as killers of relationships. I am in the process of developing a relationship and I find sexual connotations very repulsive.
What are your thoughts Pastor?

So educative and eye-opening. Thanks Passie for sharing.

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