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10 Important Things That Every Husband Needs to Know

Posted on : 13-06-2013 | By : Edward | In : Blog Home


I received a desperate call from Moses over a year ago seeking my help and or advice in regard to marriage. His wife had gone to court seeking divorce and he was desperate. He loved Monica and could not afford to lose her. When we finally got around to meeting, I thought our meeting would just be a formality and a waste of time if Moses was not ready to commit all the extra hard  work needed to win his wife back. To my surprise, Moses did not even want counseling, he had a simple request, “can you write for me like seven rules to live by as a man that would change my marriage?” Apparently, Monica had been complaining that Moses never seemed to do anything right as a husband, his priorities were off, his schedules did not include her and he seemed to have forgotten how to treat her right. Well, I promised to do a quick list for him, we prayed together and I left with a promise to email him the list later.

Moses managed to convince his wife that he was getting a list from me that would turn things around and she accepted to give him one last chance. loving_black_couple

It has been a while now and Moses and Monica are doing well, their marriage has flourished and grown and I can tell you for sure, it has not been because of the list I sent him. It because of their allowing God to work in their relationship and their work and effort at growing together. My list of seven rules for Moses was just a trigger that helped point him in the right direction and I believe can point anyone else in the right direction. The list has since grown to what I call the ten commandments that every husband needs to live by in order to have a great relationship. Here is the list, read it, let these ten things trigger you to go in the direction of working at and growing your relationship.

1. Listen to your woman, don’t just hear the syllables but hear what she is saying – Honestly speaking, many of us men do not listen to our wives. We pretend to be listening but rarely do we listen and hear what they are saying. When she complains about your coming late, she is actually saying she is missing you and wants to spend more time with you or she is scared there might be another woman or even maybe you no longer want to spend time with her. When you listen, you will know what she is saying. Put down the newspaper, switch off the ball game and don;t touch the phone, she wants to talk and you can learn to listen because when you do, you are communicating that you love her and she is important to you.

2. Tell her often that you love her. Words are important to a woman – use words often to tell her how much you love her. Remember, any words of love, affection and admiration spoken to your wife will expire at midnight. You therefore have to tell her everyday how much you love her using words. Don’t assume that she can see that you love her, she is not a man, she is a woman and women want to hear your voice, your words because they can tell whether you mean it or are just playing with words. When you say you love her, mean what you say and say what you mean and you have to do it daily. Teach yourself to speak love daily.

3. Make your woman feel safe when she is with you – Your wife should be safe with you and should get protection from you. Protect her, make her feel safe and be her covering in good times and in bad. When she comes to you, her fear should disappear. You are her warrior, her knight in shining armor, her rescuer-er, her man. Do not take advantage of her, do not betray her need for your protection but make her safe.

4. Never ever hit your womancouple prayingDo not hit her physically or with words. Do not speak to her in anger, do not abuse her and do not hit her ever. Your hands are for holding her, lifting her and caressing her not for hitting, hurting or harming. Let her always know that she can ran into your arms for comfort, love and support. “In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.” Ephesians 5:28

5. Lead your woman don’t lord over her – She is not your slave or servant, she is your lover, your wife, your woman. Lead her well, lead her with wisdom and take care of her. Show leadership by being available at home, by spending time with her and by dealing with issues. Don’t send children to her when you can deal with issues. From changing nappies to disciplining children, men always abscond on their leadership. Don’t abscond, rise up and lead. Lead her to God in prayer, lead her to God by reading the Bible together, lead her to God in worship and watch her blossom. Man, you are the leader but remember, you are not her boss.

6. Cherish your woman – she is not an object to be used but a valuable person to be cuddled, cared for and cherished. Before you look longingly at her body, lovingly take care of her heart. Lift the heavy stuff, carry the baby, the bags and the shopping and let her carry the newspaper. Am I too mean? May be you are too mean and its time to be a man not a mean if you get what I mean. “Drink water from your own well— share your love only with your wife.” Proverbs 5:15

7. Your commitment to your woman should be greater than your commitment to your job, your parents or your friends – Stop hanging out with the boys and leaving your woman all by herself at home. Honestly, that is not being a man, that is outright mean. Staying in the office till 9pm and then showing up and refusing to eat is plain stupid (ouch), go home early, go and build your marriage. If you died today, your company will hire a replacement even before you are buried but your wife will never replace you. “As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” Ephesians 5:31

8. Let your actions speak of lovecherish your wifeTo a woman, a love that is not seen is not love. Hold her, caress her, play with her and lift her. Your actions should show love to your woman and those who see you. Your woman will blossom like precious flower when she knows even those around know how much she is loved. “But some time later, Abimelech, king of the Philistines, looked out his window and saw Isaac caressing Rebekah.” Genesis 26:8

9. Be open and vulnerable to your woman – admit your fears, your struggles and your failures. Let her know how and when she can encourage you. When she does not know what is chasing you, she will not be able to help you in the way she is meant to. Men struggle to open up and be vulnerable, we feel as though admitting our vulnerabilities is a sign of weakness and therefore we choose to go solo, few friends who really know how we are doing and what we are struggling with but this has been killing us. Men die earlier than their wives due to bottling so much inside. Just think, how many men do you know in your family who are above 70 years? Chances are none but most probably, the women are still alive. Stop killing yourself and open up. “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” Genesis 2:18

10. Love God with all your heart and serve Him – Every man has a God that he believes in. For some, it is the god of books, research and writing. They choose intellectualism instead of simply believing in God. For others, their god is money, fame, status and all that comes with it. Others choose their careers and wholly dedicate themselves to it. I can go on and on listing things that men worship and live for but let me simply say, when you love and serve God, the one who made the heavens and the earth, you will obey His commands and you will know that He meant for your woman to be your companion. You will cherish and care for your woman and you will seek to love her because in doing so, you will be honoring God. Let God be your leader, the one you bow to and worship not all these other “gods” who causes you to cherish others things and end up hurting and ruining your woman and your relationship. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” Mark 12:30

There you are, ten rules or commandments for every husband. Do you agree with these? What are your thoughts? I would love to hear from you. Post your comments below.






Comments (26)

deep, insightful, thought provoking, yet to crossover but already beginning to pray for that…how of the opposite?? for the ladies so that i can share with my sister we grow together


Thank you, glad you enjoyed and learned a lot. Keep your eyes open, one coming for the ladies. Blessings

Very accurate and insightful. I too would love to read one for the women – its hard to know how best to love a man! God bless

Hi Clare,

Thanks for you encouraging words. Please check out the “10 important things every wife needs to know”. I posted it today. Let me know your thoughts after reading.


God bless. Keep writing.


Thank you for the blessings. Will keep writing

very insightful and challenging


Thanks for the feedback

indeed this reminds me of what Pasi taught my husband and i.thanks for posting this.when we follow this marriages will work.God bless you keep advicing and educating us,you are blessed Pastor Edward

Hi Winnie,

Good to hear from you. Keep practicing and living out the principles and may the Lord bless you richly.

this is just God-given-words-of-wisdom

Well said. Am keeping this as a checklist to help me yield to God’s word which will help me know the way. Each of this points are not guess work but real. I know it after 17years of marriage. Thank you so much.


Hi, just gone through your piece, its interesting but as Roy said earlier, would love to see what you have to say for the other side of the pedestal. Thank you! 🙂

Hi Ken,

Thanks for the positive feedback and encouragement. The other side of the “pedestal” was posted. Check it out, 10 important things every wife needs to know. It’s already up.

A beautiful peace we must all emulate and practice

Thanks Moon, I appreciate your feedbacks.


thanks for your posts

Very inspiring Passi. God bless.

Very enriching for the brothers. Now another ten for the sisters. Stay blessed

Thank you Pasii. I think this is the message all married men should read this valentine. I also hope us ladies will be getting ours soon. Excellent message.

I totally agree with this list. Number 10 is the most crucial, at least for me. It is so much easier to submit and respect a man who truly loves GOD.

Thank you Passie for this post. It describes kind of man any woman would desire.

Thank u Pastor Edward,
This is pure Godly wisdom. I am practicing and so far I hav fruits. God bless u.

Hi pastor,
Thanks a lot for the insight,its really liberating,how i wish that men would get this and live it,relationships would blossom and we would have great marriages.
Blessings to you and may the good Lord continue to inspire you.
You are a blessing

That is very true pastor, and am blessed of thy teaching. I have been getting problem with my blvd wife but sasa nmpata dawa. Blessed be thee

This is owesome I wish all men can read and implement this,thanks

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