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How To Become a Man Worthy of Being Called A Husband

Posted on : 08-05-2013 | By : Edward | In : Blog Home


Michael sat across the table from me and I could see tears in his eyes. I wondered what I would do if he began crying openly. I knew for sure that I could not hold his hand, wipe his tears or even pat his back. All those were unmanly things to do in public for another man. Michael managed to get a hold of himself and finish his story. He was in a serious relationship fight with his wife and in the morning she had told him to find a man who could teach him how to be a husband because according to her, he was not even a man. Very hurtful words for a woman to say to her husband but I do not want to dwell on that.

This man sitting across the table from me was hurting and searching and he had called me looking for answers. He wanted to have a great marriage, he wanted to learn to be a husband and a man. Why he picked on me, I will never be able to understand because I have my own struggles and challenges but I had to help, that is what men do, we step in and help when help is needed.

As our conversation and meetings unfolded over a period of several weeks, I learned some very key lessons on what it means to be a man and a husband. I did not teach Michael, we walked together, studied together and learned together. Allow me to pick and share with you four key lessons from Michael’s journey of becoming a man worthy of being called a husband. I will call them the 4P’s or four pillars of becoming a man worthy of being a husband. These are:

black-man-cooking-husband1. Proud Provider – A real man provides for his wife and he does it proudly. It does not matter whether the wife has a better job or earns more. A man needs to do all he can to ensure he provides. When the money comes from the wife because she has a better job, the man has to ensure that he deals with the landlord, pays the bills and his wife does not need to worry about having the bases covered. A man is meant to be a warrior who goes out to fight for his family, hunt for his family, conquer and bring in the bacon, ensure bills are paid, the rent or mortgage is covered and his wife is well. “But if any man does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. ” 1 Timothy 5:8

Michael’s problem originated from the fact that he did not pay the electricity bill, did not bother to look for a house when they needed to move and had not even met the landlord. Even when salaries were late and they could not pay for the house rent on time, it was his wife who had to go and try to get the landlord to give them an extension to the deadline. A real man proudly provides for his family and deals with any eventualities that arise. Are you a man? Stand up to be counted, take care of your stuff and let you wife know that you have it covered and she can rest knowing you are on it.

2. Persistent Protector – A husband, any man that carries that title needs to persistently protect his wife. He needs to stand and protect her whether it is defending her from his relatives that treat her as a foreigner in his family, from the construction crew who embarrass her with their whistling or the Matatu tout who attempts to abuse her on her way to work. No man, no woman has the slightest right to put my wife down. They will have to deal with me and that is just how it is. A husband should open the door at night to see who is knocking, wake up in the middle of the night to check where the noise is coming from and pretty much ensure his wife and family are safe.

Michael wasn’t living like the warrior he was meant to be. On a number of occassions, he had allowed his sisters to abuse his wife and one of his friends had called his wife a spender of Michael’s money. Unknown to them, his wife actually earned more than him and had even bought him his car through her employer’s car loan scheme. It is very wrong for a man to just keep quiet instead of protecting his wife.

picnicinpark3. Prudent Planner – A husband is meant to be a leader who leads his family faithfully and consistently in every area of life. Any man worthy to be called a husband does not shy away from the role of leadership. He is a prudent man who thinks about the days ahead and plans the path the family will take in order to get where he and his wife need to go. He carefully considers the wife’s views, wisdom and consults with her and together they move forward. A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself, But the simple pass on and are punished. Proverbs 22:3

A prudent planner does not fear listen to his wife’s advice, does not try to prop himself up as the boss but looks ahead to ensure the family is moving forward, looks around to ensure there is no danger coming, looks at his wife to assure her and communicate with her and looks up to God for direction, wisdom and help.

4. Passionate Pursuer – A husband is a man who loved a woman and pursued her in love till he married her. Problem is, many husbands stop pursuing their wives passionately after they get married. A man ought to pursuer with passion the woman he is married to. He ought to forsake all others and passionately pursue his wife. Give her that warm hug, look forward to meeting her for that passionate kiss and romantically treat her like a queen because she is. A husband should passionately pursuer his wife with his words, he should speak romantically, he should speak with love and intimacy, he should write poems, love emails and even compose songs for his bride. A husband should pursuer his wife with romantic actions. couple in darkOpen doors if that speaks love to your wife, buy flowers, cook dinner, clean the house or whatever else that will communicate love to your wife. “You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride. You hold it hostage with one glance of your eyes, with a single jewel of your necklace. Your love delights me, my treasure, my bride. Your love is better than wine, your perfume more fragrant than spices.” Songs of Solomon 4:9-10

Michael had not touched his wife even for a kiss or hug for over a month and he knew something had to change. He had to step up as a man and be a husband passionately pursuing his wife with love.

There is my list of 4 P’s. What do you think of them? Are you a husband and have your own list of focus points? Get on the comments and let us hear from you but above all, let us be the men, the husbands we ought to be.

May your relationships and marriages thrive.


Comments (113)

Yoh Passy, though I’m still single, that’s great insight right there!! May our Lord grant you even greater wisdom.

Hi Bonface,

Pick the lesson and even though single, begin to be the kind of man we are talking about. You will find yourself being a blessing to many. I pray that God will walk with you through your single hood and bless you greatly over the years.


I’m challenged, it’s good I’ve read this before I’m married.

Wow… What an amazing post. Very enlightening as I raise my son to be this type of a husband. God bless. Now, unleash a similar one for the ladies 🙂

Hi Stella,

I pray that your son will be a man of wisdom, favor and greatly blessed in his generation. Keep raising him in God’s ways and pass the wisdom you glean over the years to him.


This is a great eye opener.Somethings we begin to take for granted especially as the years pass.Thank you

Hi Zeph, I hope you have chosen to get back at doing those things you took for granted. God’s blessings be yours today.

I am not married, but I agree with you. Loving ones wife as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself for her. Thanks for writing this. God bless.

Thanks Marie, glad to know I blessed you and others. Indeed husbands ought to love their wives like Christ loves the church. Thanks for stopping by.

Thanks. I wish all men could read this. Honestly it’s the best piece I have read in a long time. I’m married and I totally agree with you on these 4Ps..I love, respect and submit to my husband because he has proved to be a great husband! Wish I could reblog 🙂 It has made my day.

Thank you Wanjiru,

Your kind words of encouragement are well received and I am glad that you were blessed at lifession.com keep reading. May the Lord richly bless you and your husband and may He continually grow him to be a man of valor, favor and wisdom.


I agree 🙂

Hi Andrew,

Thank you for passing by.


I totally concur..a husband should be a leader, a protector n a provider…He should lead his family in Godly ways n guide them..
Jst as Jesus loved the church so a husband should love his Wife n treat her as the jewel she is….Praying n Hoping to be that kind of a husband one day.God bless

Hi Stanley,

I pray with you also that indeed God will build you into a great man and husband. Keep your eyes and heart in the Lord.


Thanks for this. Its quite inspiring and informative. God bless you

Thanks Duncan,

May the Lord bless and favor you greatly. I am blessed to know you were inspired and informed.

wow! I am richly enlightned. May God bles we find gud ladies to treat lik queens

Hey Maina,

I am blessed to hear you got enlightened and I pray that you will have a great lady who will be your queen.


Thanks Pastor for the post, what a blessing. For sure I have 4 pillars to rekindle the fire in my affair with the wife of my youth. Pst. Munene you are a blessing.

wow! you have just blown it Passie. If only all men read this. I know what to expect now.

Hi Sheila,

Thank you for your kind words. For the men you know, pass the word to them by sending them the link to the blog. May the Lord richly bless you and lead you.

Great read i must say, though single and a lady, i will pray for and inform the men in my life about this crucial 4P’s! From my little knowledge and experience, the second P, most men really overlook!

Hi Jacky,

Send the blog link to the men you know, you will have helped them and the ladies they love. Thank you for the feedback.


Surely, nothing just happens, we’ve got to make things happen in marriage life, by doing the right things and doing them rightly and what a timely advice as i look forward. Appreciated admin.

Hey Paul,

Another way of putting it is that you cannot afford to just wait for things to happen. You have to work at what you want for it to happen.


This is very great. I have gained very much from the great words of wisdom. I trust my wife will have a better husband

Hi Jonah,

I join you in believing that went you put into practice what you have gained, your wife will indeed have a great husband.


wow..am more than blessed to hav this information. though planning to get married soon am trusting God to grant my husband such qualities. i believe we can make Eden here on earth: Godly husband+Godly wife coupled in the loving arms of God our Father.


I join you in praying that your husband will cultivate this qualities. May the Lord bless you in all your planning, provide for you and grant you a great wedding day and marriage.

Grace and peace be yours

Truely eye opening piece right here. Thank you Man.


Thank you for reading and I appreciate your kind words. Keep reading.


i request for regular updates

Hi Ben,

You can subscribe to receive posts by email or regularly come back to check for new posts.


Thanks for that good insight for men, and we women too ought to learn to accept the love and appreciate the love of our life songs of songs 2:16 my love is mine and i am his h browses among the lilies. marriage is meant to be enjoyed but also a learning ground if only we can walk into it with an open mind

Hi Isabella,

I am writing a post on Becoming a woman worthy of being a wife. Watch this blog…


Very nice advice.

Hi Julie,

Thanks for reading, pass it along.


What a great article…….an eye opener i must say..At all times we should strive to live in a Godly ways…thnx for the article.

Hi Steve,

Thanks for reading and for your words of encouragement. Let us indeed strive to live according to God’s word.

Keep reading

Very true,i was in the same situation but i have promised to change for my family

wow, thz jst moved me ,thnks bigtym..
will u mind givn us an article on dealin with jealousy disease

This is soo true! i am in an emotionally abusive relationship that lacks all of the above,it is time i moved on! Pray for me that i may get a man who upholds the 4P’s.

Dear Pastor Munene.
This is quite thought provoking i must admit. Even after over 7 years in marriage, i am realizing that there are key areas that i still need to give focus on, especially the pursuing bit. At times i think, singing its like trying to overdo it, but now am wiser. Will give it a shot and hope it does not backfire, but even if it does – what is the worst that can happen ..? I guess i will still live to see another day to try again 🙂

Kudos for great blog.

It’s a good piece. Only quarrel is that she actually told him to his face!!! She doesn’t deserve a man. The male ego is broken by words. If she could so that, I’m sorry to say she deserves all the heartbreaks that come her way.

I am in my second year of marriage with a wonderful baby boy 10 months old. I can’t believe how badly I have failed in the 4th P. This article has blessed me enormously. I have wronged my beautiful wife on many occasions and reading this article has opened my eyes a great deal. I now know what to do to make things right again. Thank you and GOD bless you.

Wow!I couldn’t have put it better myself.Thank you Passie.I pray that God will bless me with such a man.

Please continue with the enlightening posts.

Wow. This is fabulous piece. Have printed and pinned it in our bedroom. Thanks and God Bless you abundantly.


wow, you pinned it on the wall? I am inspired to keep writing. God richly bless you and your wife.


I must agree it is a very nice piece, very practical and true. Even after ten years in marraige I realize that there are bits that I seriously need to work on.

Pursueing bit….


Hi Ben,

Thanks for your kind words and congratulations in the over 10 years of marriage. Keep working at it, pursue your wife with love and affection.


Wow…just discovered your blog and must admit it is quite an enlightenment….Moreover, it is such an inspiration. Thumbs up Sir….is there a way i could repost your posts in my blog?

Hi Kevin,

I am glad you discovered my blog and enjoyed reading. Keep reading, I will pass by your blog sometime and become a regular reader. Let me consider the reblogging issue and will get back to you.


Great insight n wisdom, I am blessed


Thanks for reading. I am encouraged to hear you are blessed.

i love the articles they motivate and have priceless teachings


Thank you for reading and your kind comments.

Thanks for the informative and encouraging blog! I have been a Christian for a long time. I am single. It is great to know that men can aspire to these. I had long given up on men and marriage because of experiences around me . As such I resolved to be the best I can as Christian and focus on other relationships e.g siblings, parents, colleagues and lead a single life. I can have hope.

Hi Anyango,

I am sorry to hear that men had disappointed and let you down. I promise you, there are many good men out there aspiring to be and live differently from the rest. You can hope and trust to meet such.

Keep the faith, stay strong and God will bring one your way.


These are great thoughts, words of wisdom for the man cum husband. I’ll try and shape up in line with this great advise. Problem is that we fear to be considered weak if we take up the household chores mainly associated with our women folk. Traditions and customs die hard.

Hi John,

As much as tradition and customs die hard, when we practice the four P’s, we will come out strong as men. No one can see you as weak when you practice these.

Blessings and keep reading

This is amazing . Thank you very much for sharing and may all men embark on the journey to become men worthy of being called husbands ………………

Hi Evalyne,

Blessings to you and thank you for praying for us men.

What a beautifully written article. I’ve shared this with the man I would love to spend the rest of my life with and my friends. Thank you.


Thank you for spreading the word and may that man read and choose to live differently. May thinks workout between you and him.


This is very true.
Sadly, there is a generation of men who are currently spoilt and want everything to be handed to them without having to work. Rather than start small they wait around to catch the BIG fish/strike Gold ONCE and hope it will sort them out the rest of their lives.
I believe that it is the small efforts that move one closer to a dream.
God bless you Pastor.

Hi Ruthie,

I pray that the generation of men you mention will learn how to be truly men and will begin to pursue and live for that which God has for them.


That is one great read. God bless you, I will pass this message to all the men I know.

Hi Njenva,

Thank you for your kind comments and for passing the message on to others.


Am not married but in love,am so happy because i got to read this is a post on my fiancees timeline,Wow this is the truth worthy sharing,so many biblical quotes that go unnoticed ,we have everything at our disposal,we can rebuild back the God s intended purpose of a family .God bless you highly .


I do rejoice with you that you have a man willing to work at being a better man, a man after God’s purposes. May the Lord bless you both

That’s all women ask for from a man, all summarized into the 4P’s. I am married and I know this are very key to any marriage anywhere on earth. Thanks for sharing such wisdom. May your cup run over!

Hi Nje,

Yes, may my cup run over. Keep reading and spread the word

Totally appreciate this piece. Kinda came at the right time. THANK YOU!!!

I now know what to do to improve my relationship with my wife and to keep the beautiful smile on her face constantly there coz thats my joy… To see her smile n happy.

Kindly keep us in prayer,

Kind regards,

Kavoi P

Hi Kavoi,

I will keep you in prayer and I am glad you got to read this at the right time. Work on keeping that smile and living an enjoyable married life.


As the saying goes nowadays,Pastor “you have killed it”.You’re spot on.

Thanks for the compliments. Glad you enjoyed

Really enlightening…we got into a major disagreement with my fiancee coz she thinks I don’t value her Ideas. I think now it all lie in balancing these concepts.


Go for it and work at the relationship. You will be blessed as you do so.

I found your message very educative, please how can I reach you, will appreciate your opinion on some personal issues

Hi Smith,

Thanks for reading and for your feedback. You can contact me through info(at)lifession(dot)com

Lovely article and full of knowledge. Am one man who believes men are not to blame in all this. There’s a Godly principal called inheritance. Men by design are meant to inherit substance from their parent(the reason we had the first family). Inheritance has been distorted to only include wealth but it’s abroad wholesome concept. By nature,men are meant to be all that you have highlighted herein. Have you asked why Micheal came to you in the first place?? My point is,men lack mentors,people to speak with and to,they caught up in a mix which they are so unequipped to handle. Naturaly if you are the protector,provider and anchor of the family,it get’s hard to show vulnerability to accept they are in a compromising position. They tend to hold everything to themselves to look manly.A man a father,a father figure,a sound elder,a mentor to help them understand… That’s why men behave the way they behave coz that’s the only way they know. Let’s help our boys rise up to the occasion and give knowledge to them that we lacked ourselves(am talking to those who are enlighted like the owner of this article and every noble man. Get out and mentor someone.


Interesting perspective right there and your words and challenge are full of wisdom. Let men rise up to make a difference.


Wao,soo enlighting n profound.I pray that God will enlighten our men/husbands on this truth for better marriages ,mine included.

This just says what I have been unable to pin down in so few words….I hope every man who has a family or ever thought of settling down gets to read this. You wonder what women want from men… well, this is IT right here!

Hi Joyce,

Thanks for reading and for your wonderful comments. Pass it on and let us get the men reading.


woo…..this blog is so amazing.i wish i read it some time back. would be the happiest person on this earth.

Hi Alex,

Good to know you enjoyed reading through. Regardless of where you are at, you can pick up and rebuild. Praying that you will find happiness and God’s blessings

thank you for such a post, I have like the 4p’s.Though I am not married I have found them very helpful as I plan to get there.

Thank you Sam,

Keep reading and spread the word.

that was really of great help though iam not married but i look forward to becoming that great husband.God bless so much

Hi Peter,

Thanks for the feedback and I pray you will indeed be a good husband one day. Blessings

I keep reading and re-reading this post. That is great insight. God bless you Pasi and increase your reservoir of wisdom.How do I get to receive more from you blog?Esp on relationships.God Bless


Thank you very much for the article and please pray for me…I hope it’s not too late for me. I am in a difficult situation right now. God bless

I agree with u .

This is priceless, no wonder He says, I have exalted my word above my name-the word application here is just accurate.

I am blessed, God bless the work of your hands.

Great! am 30 years not married not in any serious relationship, I only talk ladies when i feel like, help. No love i keeping alone.

This blog is really inspiring and am looking forward to the blog concerning women.Thanks alot and may God bless u.

Hi Cathy,

Thank you for your encouraging words. Did you miss this? http://www.lifession.com/?p=510 it is the post regarding women. Check it out.


I am completely humbled. We take alot of things for granted when it is the ‘small’ things that matter. Thanks you very much for the piece and for the friend who shared God bless you..It has gone a very long way!

Greetings Zablon,

Thank you for your words of encouragement and I am glad for the lessons you have picked. It is indeed the small things that we neglect that are the greatest builders of relationships.

God richly bless your marriage.

I will strive to be a good husband, thank you for the message.

Greetings James,

May the Lord hold your hand and bless your marriage in every way.

what if the woman does not reciprocate or doesnt appriciate all the 4ps??

Thanks a million bro I have been going through hell in my marriage but now I have been enlightened big time, kudos for the blog

This is an amazing read. Am not married. I agree with these points you have shared. I see marriages collapse because spouses fail to take up their positions and it causes my heart to bleed. Please write something for the ladies so that they too can get to learn how to take their rightful position in marriage. God bless

Wow… I just learnt a lot, to some extent, I have been a husband, but to some too, nah. Thankful

great job,mentoring men to have stable families is making the world a better place to live hapilly

wooow! am proud to have a husband with all da 4ps’ vatues that u’ve talked about. am so humbled by such a wonderful gift that the Lord gave me. looking forward forward for the one of a worthy wife. good work

Your article is good but it’s very sensitive in the generation and time we are in, most of the young Men we have grew up in a family of absentee Dad’s /Father’s and thus the know nothing in regard to most of the highlighted , for the bible says in ( John 5:20 For the Father loves the Son, and shows Him all things that He Himself does; and He will show Him greater works than these, that you may marvel). nevertheless they learn it the hard way and thus the women who tend to get married to them need to give them time with a lot of cautious and patience , if at all they want to build a home.

I have learnt alot from youe article.I haven to prove to her that am a real man.

Absolutely insightful

Thank you. Could you mentor the boy child? Please consider the gap as most ‘today’s’ brothers/men are sissy’s…

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